I just found out that my ex-colleague, John Schofield, passed away on Friday. Amid all the sadness I am feeling right now, this news has come as a shock, although he had been suffering with cancer since earlier this year. The unfairness of life never ceases to amaze me, but life is really neither fair nor unfair. It just is what it is.
I had a bad day yesterday. I fell apart. The memory of seeing mum on Saturday just played over again and again in my head like a repeating video clip. We went out to dinner with friends, and I had to leave early as I felt sick. I got home and curled up on the bed and realised this sick feeling was simply how my grief is manifesting itself. And I let it all out. Gastropunk was amazingly supportive as ever and I feel safe knowing I have so many people looking out for me.
I booked an appointment with a counsellor today to help me get through this difficult emotional journey. No doubt I am guilt-ridden and tormenting myself about many things that I have no control over, but it will be good to see someone to get this all out and start understanding myself a little better.
I am waiting for something nice to happen. I got home to find out bathroom ceiling had water coming through it from a leaky tap in the flat above, and then found out the news about John on Facebook. What I need is a nice relaxing break somewhere luxurious and with good food. I will have to settle with going to Moro on Saturday night, and finding escapism in novels over half term. A trip to New York beckons in December which I am so excited about. Hopefully I can focus on these things to keep me going…
